Friday, January 20, 2012

Sometimes, Gross is Entertaining

Dear file sorters and old-box-cleaners,

I was sifting through some old computer documents (and by old, I mean when I was in my early teens) and I found a one-page manifesto that made me chuckle.  

Back in the day, we had an old refrigerator in our garage.  I'm sure many of you do, too, especially if you have large families!  However, the fact that it was in the garage meant that sometimes things could be shoved in there and then forgotten - out of sight, out of mind - for months on end.  


The worst was when somebody would take a pot of leftover soup.  Instead of going to the labor to redistribute it into a few microwave-safe bowls that could fit in the upstairs fridge and be easily seen and consumed, the person tasked with cleaning up after dinner might just slap a lid on the soup pot and run it downstairs.  Cram it in, close the door, and done - hardly any time, and the washing of the large, ungainly pot handily passed on to whoever else might be so unlucky as to finish off the soup.  

Once, I recall we had half of a huge wedding cake in there, leftover from a friend's wedding.  It was a delicious cake but unfortunately, everybody enjoyed it by just reaching in the fridge and grabbing a hunk.  Crumbs and cream filling littered the shelves, and floor around the fridge.  

I cleaned out the fridge more than once, sometimes by order of the Master Housekeeper, and sometimes just due to my own serious problems with obsessive organizing.  It was a nasty job, and after slopping out buckets of wasted food and gagging through wads of furry mold, I developed the opinion that it should be used for things like extra butter, big watermelons, water jugs, packaged and neat food items that needed to be stored in cold places.  Food projects or crates of apples.  For instance, once somebody gave us a 20-lb bar of milk chocolate.  That treasure lasted in the fridge for quite a while!

One day the fridge was so gross that of my own volition, I gutted it and cleaned it.  Back when I was a kid, cleaning things without being told to do so was a pretty heroic effort!  I was so disgusted by the perpetual problems that I decided to make a poster to hang on the fridge to try to minimize future problems; and so evolved the hideous print-out that I have provided for your viewing pleasure below!  (These early-childhood traumas may have also inspired my current passion for completely emptying and washing out my fridge at least monthly at home!) 

Why can't I put this in the storage fridge?  FAQs Answered with Un-retouched Photos

1. Why no leaking items? This is the bottom of the refrigerator
This is the bottom of the refrigerator

2. Why no loose or unpackaged items? This is the control section of the refrigerator

3. Why no leftovers? 
Perfectly good yams go to waste and smell up the fridge

4. What happens if I violate these laws? 
You will be subjected to cleaning out the fridge

If this tickles your funny bone, or maybe you suffer from the same pet peeves, you can download the cheesy little PDF here and hang it on your garage or basement fridge.  Or create your own frame-worthy masterpiece and e-mail it to me - I'll share it with our readers!  

Do you have similar refrigerator horror stories?  I bet you do ... what is the worst thing you've ever found in the fridge?  

Reaching past the science projects, 

Mrs H



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